i'm fucked up

The last post was in August and it's already September. omg i am such a bitch why did i forget about this i'm so sorry! :( well there are 47 days left before my spm exam and honestly, i'm freaking out. i am so fucked up i don't even know what i have been studying for 2 years i feel so stupid i feel so useless i just want to lock myself in my room and die. i don't want to sit for this stupid exam. people always ask me this annoying question "What do you want to be? where do you want to go after you finish high school? what's your target?" i might just give them stupid answers like "oh i don't know i just want to sleep all day and do nothing and die. go away. fuck off." ugh i really do not know which path should i choose and everyone just keeps confusing me.

There's only 1 month left before the huge exam!!! i'm so scared that i can't even focus when i'm studying. i don't know if i can excel in this exam and this is all because i've been so busy with fangirling and shit i've been wasting too much time. but i don't regret everything hahaha i will never regret what i did because BIGBANG makes me happy. wow that's cheesy as fuck. ew. i feel bad because i don't talk much to people nowadays. and i'm less cheerful than i have always been. and to my twinnie, i'm so sorry i didn't talk to you often. i deactivated my twitter already (but i activated it back but i'm not that active anymore) and i really miss my fangirling and i miss you too.  my mom told me that you're going to further your studies in November. i really really hope that you can come back for Christmas because i don't know what to do if you're not there with me during Christmas. it's going to be shitty without you.

Right now, all i can do is strive for my exam, and just accept whatever results i get in the future. i can only plan my life (although i suck pretty bad in planning my own life) but God knows the right way for me. 

Life :'(

Ola. It's already August. Still got 2 months to go.*sigh*. Hey twinnies! I realise it's already 4 years since we set up this blog. Woah. Time passes quickly. We're growing. I don't know what I'm thinking right now but for sure I've lost in myself. I do not even know what i think. I just follow the flow. But deep inside me it hurt me much. Sometimes i feel like i wanna give up but still i can manage to get up with this little piece of hope. Sometimes i feel that i have fail to be a good one for them eventhough i already make them proud but that still not enough  :'( . No one can understand us because they've never been in our shoes. Talk is easier than action.Nobody want to be born as a failure. God. You know what is the best for me. I will follow the path that you have set for me. From you i come to you i return. Give me a strength heart to overcome this obstacles . **** I'm tired of this but i know my burden is just a little other than the people out there and I'm grateful for all i have. Maybe it's not my sustenance yet but better late than never right? :) if you read this twinnie, do reply my post ya. You know i always miss you dear. I know there's is no use if i cry but what can i do other than that. Only God know that.

Emptiness

Hello 😃. Yeap twinnie. You're right. It's been a while now since we have not update our blog due to our own busyness and hwaitting for this life. I just don't know what to say actually but i really need you dear 😭. I miss you a lot. I'm hoping that there's a time that we can be together in our own life and forget this world for a while without the studies or problems. But that surely impossible for us.  Hoho. I feel the loneliness inside me and it really hard for me. OMG! I'm  not in depression right?

Soon you will sit for your final exam this years. So i hope you'll be alright . Eventhough you said before "mcm malas suda mau belajar" HAHAHA i feel you. But there's nothing we can do. If only money and knowledge can come by it own and we can meet that 5 idiots idols everytime we want 😍 . Hoho. They're really adorable. Opps! I should stop it before you become too crazy. Number 1 FANGIRLING. Lol. Ok. That all's for today. I'm too emo. Do you want to an emo too?  😄 lots of love dear. Goodbye . :)

Hello there. It's been a while now. I don't even know if anyone ever read this blog anymore since i've neglected it for months. It's just so sad to leave this blog untouched so here i am :) So currently i'm struggling with my finals (which is practically ruining my life slowly and painfully). I have a hard time to manage my time between fangirling and studying. Well of course i spent my time more with fangirling bc who the hell could stand studying 24/7? I just don't get along well with books. I used to, but not anymore. I don't even know what to be when i grow up bc i'm not that ambitious. I don't even think of being a doctor or an engineer. All i want right now is to meet my idols. That's it. LOL of course i'm not serious. I just haven't figured out what my ambition is. Because right now, in this unstable state of mind, all i can ever think of is my 5 idiotic idols HAHAHA

That's all for today idk what to write anymore and i feel relieved that i can pour out all of these bc lately i don't have anyone to talk to. Everyone is fucking busy at the moment. Except me. I'm supposed to be busy but i refuse to. So goodbye :)

STILL IDK

Idk how start this. To be honest, i almost cry after reading my twin's previous post. OMG YOU REALLY ARE MY TWIN YOU CAN READ MY MIND! I'm just too obsessed lately and i really can't think of anything else other than BIGBANG. Sometimes i wonder if there are any other fangirls out there who are slightly worse than me? I really want to change because honestly i'm tired of this fandom. If you have ever been in a fandom, you'll understand this. FANWARS, SHIPWARS AND EVERYTHING. It's not that i hate this fandom but i'm just tired of all those wars, though i didn't participate it. But if you are already a part of the fandom, you'll get hurt even though you're not the one being bashed. Sometimes i just feel like reversing time and be a normal girl which is before i knew BIGBANG. But it's too hard. TOO HARD. BUT I REALLLLY WANT TO BE A NORMAL GIRL WHO CAN CONTROL HERSELF AND WORSHIP GOD INSTEAD OF WORSHIPPING HER IDOL. Yes, if you know me like she did, you'll realize that i am actually worshipping BIGBANG. LOL I EVEN TYPED THEIR NAME IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

*[NEWS] SEUNGRI'S PERFORMANCE IN GD'S CONCERT IS CANCELLED

I saw this in twitter just now and I AM SO FRUSTRATED! CAN YOU SEE HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT THESE GUYS?! BEFORE I KNEW THEM, I DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT A CELEBRITY'S HEALTH. BUT NOW. I AM SO WORRIED! QUESTIONS POPPED OUT OF MY MIND LIKE "WHERE IS HE?" "WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?" "IS HE OKAY?" "IS THIS ABOUT HIS HEALTH?" "IS HE TOO TIRED TO PERFORM?" "IS HE SICK OR SOMETHING?" If i was normal, i wouldn't care about someone who doesn't even know that exist! Being this crazy is just CRAZY! So i just hope i can change for my own good. No, not just hope. I will change. I mean, i won't stop loving BIGBANG. But hey, THEY AREN'T GOD. So i'm gonna start balancing myself between fangirling and serving God. Please pray for me twinnie TT______TT