I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

Bonjour! I'm back :D And I'm gonna post a new entry about my friend's birthday. She's becoming a 15-year-old teenager today. I was thinking whether I should put her photo here or not :/ Oh yea, she is beautiful and talented. Now why did i say that? Because she can sing and play the guitar well. May God hear all of her prayers, bless and protect her in any condition and help her in her studies. Aww, I miss being the birthday girl. I miss the way people used to wish my birthday. I miss that time when I made a wish and blew the candles. The delicious cake and parties and families! Oh Memories.. :)

And my studies? They're stuck in the moment :( I can't focus a single thing on my studies. There will be lots of exams out there and they are trying to get me! PMR is coming nearer, too. I hate having too many things to think. I admit that I've been thinking TOO MUCH o.O I'm thinking about my looks, my family, my religion and studies. It's driving me nuts and I'll lose my mind! I talked to my dearest class teacher and she helped me with one of my problems. She's really good at giving advices and I really appreciate her :) But my mind is just so stubborn! I want to think positively but my mind won't let me! I really hope that God can help me with this. I'm totally stressed out >:(  Sometimes I dream of an angel sent from God comes to me and take me to meet God. I want the answers of all of my questions. Do God really hear my prayers? Seriously, will He listen to me? A dirty, sinful person like me? Honestly, there's something wrong with my faith. Sometimes I just wanna scream out loud on top of the mountains and throw myself off, swim in the depths of the ocean and drown myself, ask forgiveness from my mother and kiss her goodbye. But I know that I'm worth life. So why should I give it up? I'll live it up!