i'm fucked up

The last post was in August and it's already September. omg i am such a bitch why did i forget about this i'm so sorry! :( well there are 47 days left before my spm exam and honestly, i'm freaking out. i am so fucked up i don't even know what i have been studying for 2 years i feel so stupid i feel so useless i just want to lock myself in my room and die. i don't want to sit for this stupid exam. people always ask me this annoying question "What do you want to be? where do you want to go after you finish high school? what's your target?" i might just give them stupid answers like "oh i don't know i just want to sleep all day and do nothing and die. go away. fuck off." ugh i really do not know which path should i choose and everyone just keeps confusing me.

There's only 1 month left before the huge exam!!! i'm so scared that i can't even focus when i'm studying. i don't know if i can excel in this exam and this is all because i've been so busy with fangirling and shit i've been wasting too much time. but i don't regret everything hahaha i will never regret what i did because BIGBANG makes me happy. wow that's cheesy as fuck. ew. i feel bad because i don't talk much to people nowadays. and i'm less cheerful than i have always been. and to my twinnie, i'm so sorry i didn't talk to you often. i deactivated my twitter already (but i activated it back but i'm not that active anymore) and i really miss my fangirling and i miss you too.  my mom told me that you're going to further your studies in November. i really really hope that you can come back for Christmas because i don't know what to do if you're not there with me during Christmas. it's going to be shitty without you.

Right now, all i can do is strive for my exam, and just accept whatever results i get in the future. i can only plan my life (although i suck pretty bad in planning my own life) but God knows the right way for me.